Category Archives: Acceptance

Emotions are like blood sugar

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emotional sugar cubes

Since I was a kid, I’ve had to ‘watch’ my blood sugar. If I don’t eat regularly or try to maintain a healthy level, I can get quite cranky. In fact, an ex of mine used to joke that if I didn’t get fed when I was hungry, our whole relationship was on the rocks.

It’s well known that the key to maintaining a healthy weight and eating regimen is keeping blood sugar even.  If you don’t, it can drop.  If you eat the wrong foods, it can peak and send you crashing later. It’s the same thing with our emotions.

Emotions can peak and valley superficially depending on the story we attach to our feelings, and our ability to recognize when they’re ruling us.

The old adage ‘this too shall pass’ is something we often bring to mind when something terrible has happened. But, an astute teacher once told me that we should exercise the same recognition of fleeting feelings of happiness.  Not in a doom in gloom kind of way, but rather noticing that feelings are transient.  It’s when we attach our story to those feelings that the out of control ‘emotional blood sugar’ takes over.

Our minds have a fascinating way of taking us on a roller coaster ride, if we let them. The key is training your mind not to indulge in every pleasingly sugary experience or ride the hill of fear at the detriment of your peace.

Know what you feel, and that you feel, and that feelings are finite.  Know that you are bigger than your emotions and there is peace in riding them to the shore.

Namaste.

- Your Charmed Yogi

(Photo: Pinterest)

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You have an infinite capacity for gratitude

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gratitude tattoo

gratitude by Fancy Hunt on Flickr

When I was little, I’d say my prayers before bed.  ”Now I lay me down to sleep….” I’d ask God to bless and watch over my mom, dad, gradmas and grandpas, aunt and uncle, brother, dog, cat, friends, anyone I didn’t know and everyone I forgot to mention.

I believed that I had to squeeze it all in during that prayer or someone might be left unprotected. As  a child, I had no parameters for what I asked of God.  As I got older, ‘the list’ became more condensed as if there were only so much room to ask God for a favor.

I used to think about Gratitude kinda the same way, like I had to find only the most prolific or beautiful things to be grateful for.  As if there were somehow a limit on gratitude or that unpleasant experiences weren’t worth considering.

But, I’ve come to realize that just like our hearts have an infinite capacity for love, there’s no limit to how much you can express gratitude for, and nothing is too trivial.

You can be grateful for the big ones, the obvious ones like, “I’m grateful for my health, and the health of my family, and my job, and my home, etc.” and those are great.  But it’s also OK to express gratitude for the little things or oft forgotten things like toilet paper, clean water, green lights, toast, toothpaste, not stubbing your toe on the table again…

And, it’s particularly liberating to be grateful for the not-so-awesome things that happen in our lives like people who drive us crazy, traffic or pain.  

When you begin to find ways to be grateful for everything, you can begin to let go of assigning value judgements like good or bad and take the ‘me’ out of what happens.  It just happens.

How many things can you be grateful for today?

Namaste.

- Your Charmed Yogi

(Photo: Fancy Hunt / Flickr)

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Follow those thoughts, and step on it!

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In yoga, we often talk about non-attachment, particularly when it comes to our thoughts. But, sometimes it’s great to do some investigative reporting.

As is customary, I am reading several books at once.  One of them is Buddhist Bootcamp, by Timber Hawkeye.  As is also customary, I often highlight or capture in a journal those statements or quotes that I find compelling and transformative.

I find it refreshing that he suggests we f0llow our thoughts out of curiosity.

“Habitually contemplate whether your thoughts stem from love or from fear. If your thoughts originate in love, then follow them. If they originate from a place of fear, then dig deep to find the root of your fear.  Only then will you be able to finally let go, so fear no longer limits your possibilities.”

It’s quite fascinating when you follow your thoughts, judgements and emotional responses like a curious cat.  You may find that what you think may be a root cause for a preconception or fear, isn’t at all.

I’ve been trying to take Timber’s challenge a step further, and I pass that onto you.  Rather than stopping at finding out the source of your fear, continue your journey and see if you can find the source below the source.  See if you can illuminate the darkness with compassion.

For example, if you find yourself glowering at someone who’s annoying you, dig deep to find out what that feeling is really about.  Have the courage to look into how you may possess those qualities, accept them and find a wellspring of compassion.

It’s there.  I promise.

(Photo: Flickr / Dominique LaTour)

Namaste.

- Your Charmed Yogi

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You are bigger than your wheel of emotions

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wheel of emotion

Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions

Lately, I’ve incorporated a new ritual into my morning practice.  As soon as I wake up, even before I’m out of bed, I recite a set of affirmations from A Journey into Wholeness given to me by Benita Esposito.  One of those affirmations is, “I find myself big enough to contain my emotions, and know that I am larger than they are.”  It’s an interesting approach to bringing awareness to emotions as part of our being.  Similar to Rumi’s guest house.

Understanding our emotions helps us process them on a conscious level, so our bodies don’t have to experience them on a physical level.

Robert Plutchik, a psychologist and professor at the University of Florida developed an evolutionary theory of emotion supposing that emotions have an evolutionary history. He believed there to be eight primary emotions - anger, fear, sadness, disgust, surprise,anticipation, trust, and joy. Like natural selection, he believed that our emotional responses adapted overtime, and were passed on as part of the psychoevolutionary process.  Think the psychological version of Darwin. He even developed a ‘Wheel of Emotions” graphic to illustrate how nuanced our emotions can be.

He suggested 8 primary bipolar emotions: joy versus sadness; anger versus fear; trust versus disgust; and surprise versus anticipation. Additionally, his circumplex model makes connections between the idea of an emotion circle and a color wheel. Like colors, primary emotions can be expressed at different intensities and can mix with one another to form different emotions.

The theory was extended to provide the basis for an explanation for psychological defence mechanisms; Plutchik proposed that eight defense mechanisms were manifestations of the eight core emotions.

I find the theory fascinating, particularly how he incorporates the light and the dark aspects of emotions like surrender.  Even though it’s quite colorful, it’s still a little two ‘defined’ for my taste.  It would have been great (if he were alive) to see a collaboration between he and Eckhart Tolle.

The point is, no matter what emotions you experience, you can ride them out by being bigger than they are.

“Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them.”

- Eckhart Tolle

Namaste.

- Your Charmed Yogi

(Photo/Quote: Wikipedia)

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When you’re lost, find home in your own heart

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heart

At some point in our lives we’ve all felt that sense of  ’Where do I belong?’  There may be a catalyst like the loss of a parent, a move, a divorce or no catalyst at all.  Chances are, you’ve had that feeling of being lost or untethered and wondered where you’re supposed to be. And the answer is, you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.

Sometimes we feel lost because of decisions we’ve made, and other times we feel lost because life has made decisions for us.  There’s a quote by Henry David Thoreau that helps me when I’m feeling out of place, “Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.”

Feeling lost can manifest itself in a number of ways from skipping time on your mat to feeling anxious, sad or alone.  But, if you can see the positives during this time, you will see that it’s during these times that we learn the most about ourselves.

Think about a time that you got lost in your car only to discover a fascinating new place that you didn’t even know existed.  We can find the same gems within ourselves; places in our hearts that we didn’t know were there all along.

Are you feeling lost?  The only GPS you need is your own heart.

Try writing a letter or a journal entry about the sensations and emotions you’re feeling, and examine what part of you may be looking for your attention or acceptance.

Namaste.

- Your Charmed Yogi

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Photo: Etsy/IScreenYouScreen 

Take each day wag by wag

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hattie dog in a cone

It’s all fun and games until someone ends up in a cone

Over the past few months, I’ve had a handful of ‘crises’ to handle that seemed to pile one on top of another. But that’s how it goes right?  When we feel we can’t handle any more, we are faced with another situation to do just that — handle it. And we get through it.  Breath by breath, I realized that as each moment passed, I was one more moment through the chaos.

Most recently, my 9 year old dog, Hattie, tore her ACL. This is the second in two years that required invasive surgery with a long rehabilitation.  I’d heard that there’s a very good chance that a dog who tears one ACL will tear the other within a year or so.  Ironically, I did everything I could to protect her from exactly the situation we’re in now.  What I’ve learned, though, is that Hattie doesn’t think about the previous surgery or what the future holds.  She just knows what’s happening now; she adjusts her gait; she rests; and she faces the moment with whatever adjustments need to be made — without thought.

Dogs are our ultimate yoga teachers. If only we could all learn to take each moment wag by wag.

Namaste.

- Your Charmed Yogi

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When you can’t make everyone happy

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I often joke about being like a Golden Retriever.  I’ve always been the person that tries to make others happy, and if I make someone unhappy, it makes my heart hurt.  And of course there’s the flood of obsessive thoughts on how I can rectify the situation.

At work, if you pat me on my head, I run off with my tail wagging looking to produce more biscuit-worthy results. When I’m teaching, I get immense satisfaction when I send students home feeling relaxed and accomplished. Even at the holidays, I’m happier giving gifts.  I love to watch people light up.

But we all know the age old saying, “You can’t make everyone happy all of the time.”

In fact, chances are if you made an enemy or pissed someone off it means that you stood up for something you believe in, or for yourself.

So how do us ‘people pleasers’ cope? First, recognize that it is exhausting to live for someone else’s happiness and begin to witness when you’re putting someone else first unnecessarily. Sure, you may have to put your child’s need for dinner above your own need for downtime, but I’m talking about the constant ‘back seat taking’ we do with our own energy.

We must bear witness when we find ourselves constantly deeming others’ happiness as more important than our own.  We have to do some soul-searching to understand why we feel the need to find ‘validation’ outside of our own being. And, we have to give ourselves the same amount of energy we give others, or we find ourselves depleted.

Does this mean that we should no longer try to help people or have compassion? No it doesn’t. It simply means, that we should stop trying to make others happy as a means to find satisfaction. It’s a short-lived attachment. Rather, allow your authentic self to shine through.  If people like it, great.  If some don’t, who cares.   You WILL rub some people the wrong way, and quite frankly, that’s their issue.

But, you will have unearthed a truer you, and there’s no greater peace than sitting in the seat of your authentic ‘self.’

Namaste.

- Your Charmed Yogi

(Photo: Pinterest)

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Take your mind off the gas pedal

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namaste license plate

As is often the case, today’s blog post was inspired by a conversation with a friend.  Ironically, we were discussing the topic of yesterday’s post, ‘Refilling your patience carafe.’  We were talking about keeping our cool when despite our best efforts to maintain a peaceful attitude, life still comes at you.

He told me about a recent incident he had when he was in the car with his kids, and found himself to be the object of someone’s road rage.  At first he was able to rise above, but the other driver had long gone ’round the bend’ (pun intended), and soon he found himself feeling taken over by the same frustration. He was able to stay out of the chaos, because he was concerned most with his children’s safety, but was still seething long after he’d gotten of the road.

How often do we relinquish control of our happiness or unhappiness to someone else?  When we allow someone else to control us, we’re really just giving ourselves over to ego, to the monkey mind.  ”How dare he do that to me?”  ”Who does she think she is?”  ”I’m never going to pass that test.” “Where am I going to find the money for that?”

When we replay conversations or situations that didn’t sit right with us over and over, it’s like we’re stepping on a thought accelerator.  And once you find yourself in this obsessive ’round about’ it’s hard to see the exit. How often are we really just mind racing ourselves?

I found myself in a sort of ‘thought loop’ the other day, and decided to take an online class with Marc Holzman targeted at grounding yourself after a hectic day.

The poses were delicious, of course, but it was a quote he kept repeating that really helped me to let go.  The saying had been passed to his teacher from the Maharashi, and then passed down to him

“Oh my mind, be kind to me.”

Sometimes something as simple as an inspiring quote can unlock a new door.  I love this quote, and will definitely incorporate it often into my practice and my teaching.

How else can we find our way out of the roundabout?  Be aware of your physical and emotional reaction without trying to change it.  Awareness is distance from attachment. And give your mind something to do like focus on your breath.

The breath tells us a lot about the mind.  If your breath is wobbly, labored or short, so goes your mental state. You can begin to let your mind off of the gas pedal and cruise by witnessing your own breath.

May your mind be kind to you, and your breath help you shift into neutral.

Namaste.

- Your Charmed Yogi

(Photo: Recycledartco / Etsy)

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Refilling your patience carafe

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wine carafe

At some point, we all struggle with patience. It’s definitely not one of my strong suits. In fact, I was recently joking to a friend about those days when it feels as if you have a finite amount of patience, and when it’s gone it’s gone — like a carafe of wine. This, of course, let to a hilarious philosophical discussion about how our carafe’s depth varies from day to day and that we have a seemingly infinite supply of patience in our carafes when it comes to animals, children, and students.

Some days, the carafe is overflowing and all seems right with the world, while others it seems to have a crack and a slow leak. Some days, my carafe is quite plentiful in the morning, but by evening rush hour, it’s dry as a bone, and I watch the last drop dry up from the seat of my inner witness. Sometimes, merely bringing attention to the fact that our patience is challenged, releases the ego’s grasp on our need ‘rightness’ or vindication.

So, how do we keep ourselves from draining our carafe of patience Bordeaux dry? By doing things that replenish your spirit. Taking some time for yourself — even five minutes — to do what brings you peace and rejuvenation can keep you from feeling depleted and drained of loving energy. For some people, it’s a bubble bath alone with a book, and for others it’s prayer.

For me, it’s writing, meditation, spending time with my dogs, and of course, yoga.  I need the time on the mat to ground and center myself, and reconnect with my true nature so that my thoughts, words, and actions come from a place of compassion.

Take time each day to practice the same loving kindness towards yourself that you want to extend outward. Refill your carafe everyday, so it’s available when you need to pour a big glass of patience to someone else. And practice non-judgement and non-violence toward yourself during those times when you can’t seem to harness the patience you think you should have.

What refills your carafe of patience?

Namaste.

- Your Charmed Yogi

(Photo: Design Rulz)

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How yoga can transform a life

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Rasham Nassar’s life changed when she went to college. Like many students entering university, she was shocked to realize that life wasn’t what she had always known, and coped with changes and life pressures by abusing alcohol.  Alcohol took over her life, and by age 26, she entered rehab.

She found inspiration in the  yoga teacher at the center, and found solace in her own hear. By turning inward, she was able to walk out of the prison she had built for herself.

Produced by Schecter Films. More at Niroga Institute.

Video from KarmaTube

Follow your breath, and walk out of the prison you’ve built for yourself.

Namaste.

- Your Charmed Yogi

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